This is a post that I wrote in response to this email. I am reposting it here for easy reference and reblogging, if any of you so desire.
I’m going to respond to this with something on RHP’s site, because she puts it so much better than I can:
I’ve engaged in debate in nice, polite, classy ways. I’ve engaged in debate in rude, tacky, and immature ways. As best as I can tell, it doesn’t make a fucking difference how I put my opinions out there, because if I’m nice about it, someone will pat me on the head and say, “Oh, sugar, that’s sweet, but here’s how things REALLY are, and I, in my infinite male wisdom, am capable of correcting you on your misconceptions about life.” And if I’m rude about it, someone will say, “You know, your tone really doesn’t help your cause. You just reinforce negative stereotypes about feminist bitches. I don’t want to listen to someone who is angry.” Blah, blah, blah. Doesn’t matter how I say it. People who don’t want to hear aren’t going to listen.
Furthermore, if I want to blow off some fucking steam in a public forum, because these are arguments I seriously hear 20-30 times a week from dudes who think they know better than I do what it’s like to be a woman, and it is fucking exhausting having men tell you ALL THE GODDAMN TIME, “You can’t possibly have experienced what you have experienced, because I say so,” you are welcome not to listen, but you are not welcome to tell me to shut up.
There are presently 284 messages and submissions sitting in my Tumblr inbox. I have read it all. That’s 284 submissions that are so infuriating and so unfathomably offensive and personally hurtful to me as a woman that I, a pretty prolific blogger with an acid tongue, haven’t had the stomach to formulate responses. I have thousands upon thousands of emails. I have readers telling me about their experiences being raped, and beaten, and slut-shamed.
So I when I come across some ignorant fool, I don’t think that it ismy duty to choke down all the rage and sadness that comes with people trusting me to evaluate and repudiate every horrible sexist ill imaginable. I don’t think that it is my responsibility to consider the feelings of a person who would so willingly take a shit on my beliefs and who I am, as a woman, without bothering to take two seconds of self-reflection.
I do not attack persons; I attack hateful ideas that persons promote. I do my best to do it without ableism, to do it without racism, to do it without heteronormativity, to do it without transphobia, and body policing, without sexism and cissexism and stereotyping. I know that people do not choose these traits by which the world categorizes them.
But people choose to be uninformed. People choose to call me a cunt because I dare make a statement, not even to them but in an original post in my own blog, that asks people to examine their language and their biases. People tell me that if I were their girlfriend, they would rape and murder me to shut me up; they’ve asked me for my boyfriend’s contact info so they can suggest it to him personally. People send me doctored pictures of “aborted fetuses”, people run their mouths and reinforce harmful norms that actually kill people, and I’m expected to smile, curtsy, and explain to them in a calm and even tone why that’s upsetting or wrong?
When people come to me with genuine questions and concerns in a respectful manner, that’s how I respond. When people troll me and try to jab at me, that’s how I respond (see my expansive gif library). When people attack me personally with ableist, sexist slurs that reinforce everything that I have dedicated the past seven months of this blog to fighting…
…that is not how I respond.
So I wish those of you who are offended the best as well, but I truly hope that you see that what I believe that what I am doing is different than the hatred and discrimination that people subjected you to in your life. I do not hate these people because they are men, or because they are teenagers, or because they are a certain race or religion. The people that I have grown to hate throughout the course of this blog (because I would be lying if I claimed that didn’t happen), I hate for their willful ignorance, and their gleeful attachment to the pillars of our society that are constructed to alienate all people who are different.
They get enough positive reinforcement. These people have their hate catered to politely on a daily basis; otherwise they would give it up.
This blog is not going to be another safe haven for those people.