I’ve been seeing these all over Chicago. Hell yeah
I saw this bullshit on some lightpoles today, so I fixed a couple of them. FUCK VICTIM-BLAMING. EMPOWER SURVIVORS. BLAME PERPETRATORS. (Taken with Instagram)
TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE
This is Gary Cherny, the vocalist for Before We’re Done. Which is arguably the most well respected band currently in Mile High (Denver) Hardcore. Gary is known for being a stand up guy that easily floats between all cliques, groups and social circles in our local hardcore community. He is often viewed as “everyone’s friend”. With a giant hug, a firm handshake or welcoming smile this man has won over the hearts of many folks that come around to shows, effectively fooling each and every one of them.
The four above photos are screen shots of messages which Gary sent me via the anonymous option on Tumblr. With the use of my IP tracker and a few unsuspecting questions to Gary, we were able to prove that it was him beyond a reasonable doubt.
To backtrack… I was raped inside of my home three months ago by someone that had been stalking me at shows. This person would call me from blocked numbers, reference what I had been wearing at the show the night before, threaten to rape me and then hang up. We all thought it was simple harassment, but the person turned out to be good on their threat. Unfortunately, to this day we have no been able to identify this person, as I did not see his face at all during my attack.
Now, I am not suggesting that Gary was my perpetrator, let’s be clear on that. What I am saying is that, at the very least, his choice of words was especially poor. No woman should ever be told to “get raped” in the first place, period. The wounds, however, are still fresh and it has sent me into an incredibly dark place.
Gary and I have been close acquaintances for a while (which is why I am more than confused by his actions) and he knew that growing up my biological father was my best friend. He knew that he had raised me all on his own as a single parent my whole life and when he died when I was 14 that my world shattered. He also knew that my foster father sexually abused and perpetrated me repeatedly in my teen years. Hence my reaction to his last anonymous message when he said, “go get raped by some father figure in your life… Oh wait… You don’t have one.”
When confronted, he profusely denied it and said, “I can’t even understand how you would think that was me, EmilyAnne,” as he hid behind his friendly reputation. Upon making it known that there was absolutely no way he could debate his innocence, he asked if we could meet in person and talk. I agreed on the condition that I could bring Marco to witness what he had to say. We all met up later that night and he continued to give me gigantic puppy eyes, practically turning on the water works and confessed while also trying to give a sad story about why he did what he did. I cut him off, asked Marco if he had heard Gary’s confession and we both walked away.
If you read the screen shots, it’s very more than clear that there is direct aggression, threats and the obvious suggestion of rape. This is something that I will not tolerate in my community. Many of you will be shocked to read this (if it gets out) and will probably wish to deny it initially. But, Gary has called multiple people seeking help and has openly admitted to all of them what he did. Ask him yourself, he will not deny it. Now, the threats and words that he used are ones that are very direct. Whatever his excuse, I have no desire to hear it. This is rape culture at it’s finest when we listen to and take pity on a man that undeniably targeted a woman agressively telling her “you’re gonna get what’s coming to you”, “all in due time, bitch” and “go get raped”.
When I first received the anons before we figured out it was Gary, I called the police, suspecting it had some attachments to my rape. They suggested that I file a restraining order. I would much rather see this go around to every person in our scene and possibly branch out further resulting in immeasurable social discomfort for him. So, please, don’t just ‘like’ this post. Reblog it if you can. I know it is long, I know it is not funny, nor is it cute. But, it is important. Even if this gets two reblogs, I’ll be happy that at least the awareness branched out that far. His band tours around as well as plays local shows, all the while having Gary as their frontman talking about solidarity and love. About how hardcore is a place for kids who don’t belong to come and find a home. When clearly Gary is a misogynist, rape culture perpetuating, hypocrite.
They will be playing this Tuesday at The Marquis. Please, support the touring bands, but omit your presence from the opening act Before We’re Done as well as all other shows they play if they continue to keep Gary as their vocalist.
Trigger warning: Street harassment, violence, rape/sexual assault
I was going to write a really long and thought out post about the young woman who punched a street harasser but I thought Fuck it, I’m going to make this short and not-so-sweet.
If you think a man who yells at women on the street doesn’t deserve to get yelled back at or punched, you’re wrong. If you think a man who says he’ll rape a person - especially a vulnerable target like an intoxicated woman walking alone - doesn’t deserve to get punched, you’re wrong.
If you think she overreacted or you try to reduce the situation to this girl punched a guy because she was offended, you’re wrong. You need to step the fuck back and realize the catcaller’s comment wasn’t made in a vacuum. You need to realize that we live in a society where sexual harassment or assault are nearly inevitable for women, especially if those women are trans* and/or of color.
If you think she should have called the police, you’re wrong. The police could have and would have done absolutely nothing. The police rarely give actual help to to those who have survived sexual assault; thinking that the police are going to help someone who was threatened is absolutely absurd.
Males, if you have friends or acquaintances who catcall, harass, make rape ‘jokes,’ you need call them out on it. And really call them out on it. Don’t be silent, don’t stop associating with them - tell them that what they are doing is wrong and fully explain why. I’m sick of dealing with this bullshit myself.
I absolutely commend this woman for punching that piece of shit in the face. I hope that I could have her courage in that situation. I hope that the catcaller realized what he did was wrong.
Perhaps most importantly, I hope that the victim of the threat got home OK; too many simply don’t.
Trigger warning: Sexual assault/rape, incest, suicide, abuse
This is a beautifully-written article for survivors of sexual assault. I can bet you that it’ll be the most worthwhile thing you’ll read all day.
Well, here’s something relevant.
THIS IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT
I posted last week asking people if they knew of some good resources for male victims of sexual assault. Here is the list people came up with:
Trigger warning for partner consent issues, rape
At first, I didn’t know what she meant. She spoke so softly I had to lean across the table to hear her. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” she said, “but sometimes I really don’t want to have sex. Sometimes I do, but not as often as you want it. And sometimes I want to tell you ‘no,’ but I can’t bring myself to do it. So I try and send you signals, hoping you can just tell how I’m feeling. But that doesn’t work, so it’s… it’s just easier to say ‘yes’ or just say nothing at all.”
My face flushed. I felt nauseated. I thought instantly of the previous night, where we’d grabbed what I thought was a hot half-hour when my roommates were both gone. Katie had seemed so passionate when we’d been making out, but then gotten very quiet once all our clothes were off. I’d told myself she wanted to have one ear cocked for the sound of a key in the door. I hadn’t considered—or hadn’t wanted to consider—the more obvious possibility: she was trying to tell me that she didn’t want to have sex.
I looked out the window. I couldn’t meet Katie’s eyes. My gaze fixed in the distance, my voice trembling, I asked what seemed the only possible question: “Are you trying to tell me I raped you?”
I was in my first women’s studies course, and just the previous week we’d been reading about sexual violence and the law. In class, where I was one of only three men, I’d felt rage thinking about all of those cruel assholes who didn’t understand that “no means no.” But now a dark and unseen possibility was opening up: not every “no” could be spoken. Maybe, I realized, sometimes even a quiet “OK” could be a “no” in disguise.
Katie started to cry. “Oh God, Hugo. No. Not rape. It’s just… I wish you could tell the difference between when I really want you and when I’d just rather be held.” She began to cry harder. “Fuck. It’s all my fault,” she wept. “I can’t expect you to be a mindreader. I’m so sorry.”"
So much of the activism against sexual violence posits rapists as a subspecies of human, deliberately malicious, a separate breed that - if eradicated - will solve all our problems. Yet how often do we look into ourselves to see if we are part of the problem?
Perhaps when we consider the idea that we could be abusers too - want it or not - we can start coming up with more solutions that don’t assume Good/Bad splits, that don’t force assumptions of “They can’t have done that, they’re a GOOD PERSON!”, that doesn’t also end up finding fault with the victim because they weren’t perfectly innocent.
I wish I had the courage to have this conversation.
TRIGGER WARNING: sexual assault, abuse
A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.
The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.
Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:
1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.
2. Sabotaging birth control
3. Marital rape
Over 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.
The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.
The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her. She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.
One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.” Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.
WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD?
Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.
TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE
So, the African hotel maid who was sexually assaulted by the former head of the International Monetary Fund turned out not to be the blessed virgin Mary, and so now they’re gonna drop all the charges so he can go run for the presidency of France. Of course, this was to be expected.
Wealthy men have been raping the help since time immemorial. Hell, our founding fathers did it, and for Dominique Strauss-Kahn, it’s practically a resume builder that he forced a woman to blow him in a luxury hotel. The French love that shit. He’s like a Dick Cheney who can still get it up.
For those of you who’ve followed this case and are now concerned with all the unflattering details that are being leaked about the victim, please don’t act surprised. This is how it’s done. Rich creepy fuckers like DSK have access to the best character assassins in the world, and trust me, they get away with shit that would make Charlie Sheen blush.
It’s easy to make fun of an American sensibility that creates bimbo presidential candidates like Sarah Palin, but it’s a much more insidious mindset that allows rapists like this the any chance at being a head of state.
Official SlutWalk Chicago route map!
Indiana yesterday passed a ban on all abortions after 22 weeks, including in cases of rape or incest. The reason, as you can see GOP Rep. Eric Turner explain in this video, was because “someone who is desirous of an abortion could simply say that they’ve been raped or there’s incest.”
Democratic Rep. Linda Lawson responded to Turner with understandable emotion, since she used to work in a sex-crimes unit. “They don’t make it up!” she said, tearily.
We wish this was an April Fool’s. We really do.